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I Can't Stand Soft Toilet Paper. It's the Worst!

The kids saw a commercial for thick toilet paper. Check that: They don't watch TV, so this had to be an ad on YouTube — I'm not even sure if the word "commercial" is in their vocabulary.

I scoffed at the idea of thick toilet paper. There is no way that weak stuff will enter my house under my watch! No way.

Three days later: "When you're at Costco, can you pick up a batch of the soft toilet paper? The kids want to try it. It's on sale," says my wife.

You've got to be kidding me.

Not only are we getting it, but I have to buy it — and in bulk! What if someone recognizes me? I will be judged as the weatherman who can't handle the rough and tough stuff. Shame will consume me.

I try to stay positive. This will be a good thing in the end (no pun intended). The kids will try it out and see that it just falls apart. It doesn't get the job done like the thin and strong toilet paper.

The trial isn't going as I expected. The kids seem indifferent — figures. If they don't mind it, maybe I can adjust to the fluffy toilet paper too.

A few days later: I enter the bathroom. I glance at the toilet paper. There appears to be a quarter of a roll left. I do my business. I grab some toilet paper. A couple spins of the roll later, I am out! What the?!?! I've been conned! It appeared I had plenty left but that thick stuff is so freaking deceiving!

Later that afternoon: I enter the bathroom again and I see this:

No. Just no. I scream, "Who did this?" No one answers. My tone raises no alarms. But this is where I draw the line. It's one thing to get soft toilet paper, but when you put the roll on the wrong way — that's adding salt to the wound.

I call in the three kids. I explain we don't do it like this. "What's the difference?" one naively asks. I purse my lips. They know I'm serious now. 

Why would anyone put the toilet paper on with the end piece hanging out the back? It's farther away from you! There is no strategic advantage.

"Dad's being ridiculous again," they thought but did not say.

They were right.

Stinkin' kids.

Stupid soft toilet paper.

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  1. I'm with you. Not a fan of the soft stuff, but it looks like you are stuck with it for a while now that you had to buy in bulk. Maybe you can sneak a roll of the good stuff into your bathroom and hide it "behind" the toilet for your own personal use. Good luck.

  2. Sorry brian we use the soft stuff. My husband wont have it any other way. But putting the toilet paper on wrong I am with you. Cant put it under has to go over.

  3. I am with you! That's the wrong way of putting the TP! Always over.. not under. It has to be the soft kind though.. LOL

  4. I like the soft stuff. As for putting the roll on the "wrong" way, I'm just happy if there's paper left at all. LOL

  5. There IS a wrong way.... look uo Seth Wheeler's toilet paper roll registered with the US patent office. You are correct! 😊


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